I've Been Tagged, Dagnabbit.

So Britt of Have Fun Do Good tagged me for a meme, 8 random facts about me. Matirose tagged me for the same meme a week or so ago, and I never got around to posting.

Here are the rules:
1) Post these rules before you give your facts
2) List 8 random facts about yourself
3) At the end of your post, choose (tag) 8 people and list their names, linking to them
4) Leave a comment on their blog, letting them know they've been tagged

Okay, but I don't know eight bloggers. Just warning you.

8 Random Facts about Me
1) When I was a kid, I hated vegetables and fruit. Now, vegetables are always the first thing I taste on my plate, but I'm still icked out by citrus fruits, raisins, and tomatoes.

2) I was raised in a very devoutly Christian household in which drinking only occurred on major holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, in the form of one glass of wine. Now, it kind of doesn't occur to me to have a drink about 90% of the time, even when I'm surrounded by drunken revelry. I'm glad about this.

3) The best movie I've seen so far this year is The Lives of Others.

4) One of the best hair products I've ever discovered is called Lustrasilk Olive Oil Cholesterol. I gather that it's primarily an african-american hair product, and it makes my dry hair look smooth and non-crunchy. Best of all, an enormous tub of the stuff costs about two dollars! It's true.


5) I have always hated my name, but I've learned to live with it.

6) Hearing the Velvet Underground changed my life irrevocably.

7) Thinking about Spain or Argentina fills me with longing, and I wonder when I'll visit a foreign country again.

8) I would rather live in an apartment building on a crowded city block than a house, anywhere.

I'm tagging Kim, Monica, Chris, Margaret, Hugh, Mark, and Sarah.

Wedded

We just got back from Mati and Hugh's wedding at Wellspring Renewal Center. It was a beautiful weekend, with a lot of generous-hearted people, from the friends and family of the bride and groom to the staff of the center. I had been helping Hugh and Mati to plan the wedding, but the reality of it was so full of colors, flowers, happy volunteers and handmade objects that the abstract lists and spreadsheets that had gone before seemed almost unrelated. I think Mati and Hugh gave us all a gift--a chance to be part of a community. There really is nothing better in life than that. I came away from the weekend thinking about how I can be a better partner in my own marriage.

There were also lots of kids there--urban kids who wore pirate costumes, sang Moon River to the crowd, played highly imaginative games, and wore nary a logo. T and I were taking it all in, trying to learn a few things.

The Sad Clown, who appeared at our own wedding, also occupied a photo booth at the wedding. The Sad Clown was found on the street by our friend Tom, who, at his girlfriend Monica's urging, gave him to us. We hide him behind the couch, and occasionally bring him out and try to cheer him up. It hasn't worked so far, but we will keep trying.

Here are Beth and Steven with the poor guy at our wedding, and below, Patrick, Petrina and Ann (one of the officiants) at Hugh and Mati's.





Lastly, here we are, relaxing on the deck with Brian, who coordinated the wedding.



On the way home, we took the coastal route. We stopped at Hog Island Oyster Company to fulfill one of my greatest wishes--to eat large quantities of oysters. It wasn't a month with R in it, and they only had extra smalls left, so it wasn't a peak oyster experience, but it was still great to get out our oyster knives and horseradish when we got home.

Thanks to Petrina for the hot-off-the-presses photos.

Becoming a Man

No, the title doesn't say Becoming a Mom, though our adoption prospects continue to occupy much of my mind, like a program always running in the background.

Last night, I attended a bachelor party for Hugh (that's him and man-Mati at the top). I suspect it could be the only bachelor party I ever attend, and to squeeze under the definition, all the women involved were asked to don man-drag.

I hadn't been thinking much during my insanely busy week about dressing up as a man, though I had formulated a plan of emulating Hugh by wearing a vintage shirt he gave me along with his default outfit of black jeans, black lace-ups and a hat. Before leaving the house, I wrapped my chest, and then before the boys arrived, joined the girls in applying facial hair and lots of heavy eyebrows, sideburns, etc.

What surprised me is how much I really enjoyed dressing up as a man. It felt as if some part of me that is dormant was very ready to carry myself as a man. I also felt younger as a man of forty than I do as a woman of forty, which I can probably attribute to social programming. It was freeing to lose my daily drag in favor of another kind. I'm the guy in plaid, by the way.



It makes sense that I enjoyed myself so much, though. I guess I've always steered away from overly feminine behavior. I've always gravitated toward men as friends and conversation partners, probably more than the average woman. I still wonder about a negative review I got at work long ago, and whether a man would have been been reviewed the same way. So I guess you could say my male side is already somewhat developed.

One thing is for certain: I want to be Tom Waits for Halloween.

You can view a picture of me and the man of the hour here, along with some other fantastic shots.

Match Part 2

So a couple of days ago we had the last half of our match meeting. E and her mother were late. They were late the last time too. Both times, it was for the same reason--they had to get E's disabled brother ready to go out. E and her mom have a lot of hard work in their lives.

This time, our meeting went well too--it felt a little rushed, because E wasn't feeling too well, but we still had some good conversation. Our impression that E has a hilariously dark sense of humor deepened. She has had her strugles, but anyone can tell she's a complicated and whip smart lady.

We went away feeling that E (and her mother) are pretty set on this adoption plan, and have their reasons, which are good ones. They are also up for a more open relationship, including visits, than we had first thought. There are reasons to feel hopeful that we'll be parents soon, but that very hope provides me with an incentive to repeat to myself over and over: "40% of matches fall through." I have an intense drive towards self-protection.

So I'm living in a strange adoptive parent-to-be limbo, in which I'm reading 90 books about parenting at once, but refuse to bring a stitch of baby clothing into our house. I feel like someone who has been told that they may be taking an extremely long and exotic trip--no, that they will be taking this trip, and that the trip will probably happen in a couple of months, but then again it may happen at some other, unspecified time in the future.

A Match

So. Most of the people who will be reading this blog know that we are planning to adopt. Some of you have been in our betting pool, and some have been asking us how things are going.

We have our biggest news so far. We have matched!

A potential birthmother, who I will call E, chose our profile from a stack of letters, along with a couple of others. It turned out that the other two couples she chose had just matched with someone else. Our adoption agency told us that E would call us, but she never did. At that point, I was pretty sure she would never call (probably a desire for closure on my part). A week or two later, our adoption agency called and said that E didn't want to talk on the phone, she just wanted to meet us and match with us. So we set up a meeting, which happened yesterday. At that point, our agency declared us matched, and we had to make yet another payment to them.

Before the meeting, we didn't know what to think. We had a lot of unanswered questions, and we had never even met her. We definitely didn't walk into the room (a rather blank room, at a faceless business center in downtown Sacramento) totally sure of matching.

In the first few minutes that E and MK, her mom, walked into the room, we really liked them ALOT. We both had images of them in our minds, and those images were completely wrong. They were warm and funny and irreverent and just sort of unique. We had questions about some issues, like the birthfather and the degree of contact we'd have with their family if we adopted, and they were answered in a way that felt okay to us. So we knew, after less than an hour, that it would be a fit. E and MK said they had a good feeling too, so we agreed to go ahead with the plans for the adoption.

E is due in October. She lives in the Sacramento area, and she already has a beautiful five year old daughter. The baby she is carrying is a girl.

One caveat. Just because we have matched, doesn't mean we will be adopting. Before the birth, 25-30% of matches fall through. At the hospital, about 10% do. And 4% even fall through after the adoptive parents take the baby home and before the relinquishment is signed. E could change her mind, and in order for this to be fair, we have to be willing for that to happen.

So basically, we are a lot closer to becoming parents than we were a week ago. But it still seems kind of unreal!