Match Part 2

So a couple of days ago we had the last half of our match meeting. E and her mother were late. They were late the last time too. Both times, it was for the same reason--they had to get E's disabled brother ready to go out. E and her mom have a lot of hard work in their lives.

This time, our meeting went well too--it felt a little rushed, because E wasn't feeling too well, but we still had some good conversation. Our impression that E has a hilariously dark sense of humor deepened. She has had her strugles, but anyone can tell she's a complicated and whip smart lady.

We went away feeling that E (and her mother) are pretty set on this adoption plan, and have their reasons, which are good ones. They are also up for a more open relationship, including visits, than we had first thought. There are reasons to feel hopeful that we'll be parents soon, but that very hope provides me with an incentive to repeat to myself over and over: "40% of matches fall through." I have an intense drive towards self-protection.

So I'm living in a strange adoptive parent-to-be limbo, in which I'm reading 90 books about parenting at once, but refuse to bring a stitch of baby clothing into our house. I feel like someone who has been told that they may be taking an extremely long and exotic trip--no, that they will be taking this trip, and that the trip will probably happen in a couple of months, but then again it may happen at some other, unspecified time in the future.