Monday, October 22, 2007

The End

Some of the readers of this blog may have already heard, but our adoption has fallen through. We went to Sacramento and were present for the birth of the baby, a beautiful girl. Things seemed to be going very well, and E seemed very set on the plan. But E's family members had a change of heart and decided that the family should parent the baby. Things changed very quickly. E was conflicted but went with the wishes of her family.

We spent a day and a half with the baby and the whole thing is very sad for us. It's one of those really bad adoption outcomes that happen to some people, but we hoped we wouldn't be one of them. Like I mentioned in another post, this happens about 10% of the time to people who are clients of our adoption agency. So we hope we'll be in the lucky 90% the next time we get to this point.

The silver lining to this cloud is that we have so many supportive people in our lives. I know that will help us get through to the adoption that does work.

We will wait until we are feeling a bit better, and then go back into the pool of waiting families. We have both agreed that we learned a lot from the experience, from preparing for parenthood to taking care of the baby. We will be much more ready when it really does happen. But does that mean it doesn't suck? I think you know the answer to that.

Today, we're going to drown our sorrows in a movie or a walk in the park, and I guess tomorrow we'll get back into life.

11 comments:

cognitive dissonance said...

maybe life can wait until next week. take care of each other - i wish this could have been a beginning for you.

matirose said...

you are both brave. i'm grateful that you have each other and to be part of your community of support.

tb said...

And one way or another, Linda and I will be celebrating our third anniversary this Wednesday. So, not really "The End" at all. Just "An End."

Linda said...

Awwww.

Ryoko said...

I feel sad to read what happened. That's really heartbreaking. You and Tod will be in my thoughts this week.

allen said...

Sorry for this outcome. I'm sure it's tough to put in so much work, as well as emotional investment, and not have it happen (though honestly, I can't actually imagine it, not having gone through any experience remotely like it!). But I have no doubt that at the right time you'll get what you're waiting for. We're all crossing our fingers for you.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry! You just have to know that your baby is still out there, waiting for your love, and that you will find each other very soon. Sending big cyber hugs to you both!

Ann & David said...

We were anxiously awaiting good news and were sorry to hear about the outcome. We're thinking about you both.

Anonymous said...

Thank you everyone for being so supportive! We are feeling a little better as time goes on. It will just take some time.

Linda

deets said...

My husband Jeff and I met you at Fhar and Adrienne's wedding. We are planning on adopting through the foster-adopt route.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I do hope that it is the best for the baby to stay in the family, the only potential upside to this.

Fhar sent me to this blog and I have subscribed to it...I am definitely curious to hear about the rest of your journey with this.

We are still in the very early stages of our process and I am in the process of starting a blog, as well...I'll keep you posted.

Anonymous said...

I remember you! It's so nice that you are following our story (though I wish I had better news to report). I know the baby will be loved, and that is a good thing to be sure of.

I would love to hear more about your adoption process.

Linda